mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
