From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
