so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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