I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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