In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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