I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
