Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
