I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
