Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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