I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
