Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
