Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
