I am in a vortex of obligation.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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