hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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