I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
