uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
