She's JV to your varsity
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
