How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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