So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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