He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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