If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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