we have pet lesbian snakes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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