the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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