this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
