I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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