i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What a dumb baby whore.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
