ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
