I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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