I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
