I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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