when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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