Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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