we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
