Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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