all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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