Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I could fuck to npr.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
