the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
