Don't you send me to vm
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
