Kiss
Puke
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
