Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
