I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
