dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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