y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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