i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
