No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
