your thong is hanging out like whoa
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
