I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just cropdusted the office
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drake has all the answers
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
