I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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