I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
