the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
