What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
