Im at strip club and am horny
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
where are my eyebrows?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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