So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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