my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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