Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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