he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
