I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Enjoy the penises
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
