i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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