So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
