and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
