Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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